Many caregivers have a difficult time asking for help. It's often easier to say "no thanks" to well-meaning friends and family than to sit down and define how you could actually accept and use the help that they are offering.

Recognize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness....it is a sign of strength. It means you have defined what needs to be done to best take care of yourself and your loved one, and you have determined a plan of action so that your lives are less stressful and you can focus on the things you do best.

The next step is to just sit down and define how you could receive help. Although it may seem like a lot of work, it will help you organize your thoughts, and really help you start to look at how other people who want to help, could help.

Ready? Let's start!

1. Create a list of all the tasks that need to get done in any given week, or at least those you are most concerned about. These tasks should include everything that you do for others, such as taking your loved one to the doctor or treatments, researching new doctors or treatments, dealing with insurance paperwork, your work responsibiliites, taking your children to their activities, taking care of your pets, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Recognize that taking care of your loved one is a function of many individual tasks, all at different levels of importance and time frames. Some tasks may only take a few minutes; some may take many hours or be completed over days and weeks (for example, researching treatments). Some tasks are easy; others require more skill and persistence. Once you see this long list, congratulate yourself for getting it all done, and acknowledge that by asking for help you will have more time for yourself and your loved one.

2. Group your tasks into categories such as personal care tasks for your loved one, transportation, household chores. You can group your tasks in to several broad categories, or many specific ones. Whatever works for you.

3. Step back and review these categories / tasks. Ask yourself the following questions:

4. Make a list of the tasks you want to delegate, and define who the best person is to delegate the tasks to. Start with something small, so you feel comfortable asking for help. You might even share your list with a nurse or patient advocate to see if they have additional ideas on support and resources for the tasks you need help with.

Remember...this effort is worth it. You will feel less stressed, and you will have more time for your loved one....and yourself.